Decisions

 So, I went to my Rheumatologist and to my PCP last week. My Rheumatologist that I adore, looks at me with sad eyes, " You really have to get off this Prednisone. You WILL end up in a wheel chair" Your bones will start breaking!! You already have 3 fractures in your back 3!! I know Doc. He didn't give me the opportunity to say Hey Doc I am down to 8 aren't you proud??As he told me that I HAD to take it slowly or suffer the consequences. I wanted to cry. I couldn't but I felt the damn lump in my throat! So, sadly I left. Thinking I had yet again disappointed my Dr.  But, I can look at him and see the worry in his eyes. Do they know something I don't??

Doctor #2 my PCP. Early in the morning at 7:30 I am the first patient. I go back and we talk. He checks me out/ goes over my labs and says, You have a ruptured meniscus and need surgery, I will schedule an MRI!! What?? You are kidding me Doc right? No, I am afraid I am not. WOW! How many blows can I take in a week? Ok whatever you say Doc! Then he explains to me about how his friend age 52/ 10 years younger than me, died from prednisone. That every bone in her body had broken and she was just a hollowed out tree more or less!! WTH!!!!I wish he had not told me that!!!

 Doctor of Life #3 /My voice of Reason: Martha: I talked to her today. We have been best buds over 25 years. She says to me,  You CAN be healed!!   Leave your health in HIS hands and not the Dr.'s! First thing that made sense to me. God the creator, the healer of the sick will I be ok God? Will I? I had always thought because some dumb preacher told me that God causes these things to happen to make you  closer to him?? Martha, says never is sickness and pain of GOD! Those are of the devil! Boy, was I fooled? I have been fooled a lot in my lifetime. But, I know my precious Martha would never deceive me, like some preacher would.  They make you feel good by  not telling the truth always. I am scared. I don't want all my bones to start breaking. I don't want to end up in a wheelchair either. How can you not worry??  So this is my prayer:

HEAVENLY FATHER PLEASE HEAL MY BROKEN, SICK BODY. ALL OF ME. TAKE AWAY ALL OF  THIS ILLNESS THAT IS WITHIN ME. LET ME BE STRONG; GIVE ME THE GRACE TO DEAL WITH WHAT  I AM FACING! I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU PRECIOUS LORD. IN JESUS NAME. AMEN