Summer's here!

I have to admit I have a love hate relationship with Summer! I love the fresh vegetables and the roadside stands. Dislike the hot humid weather of Tennessee! I love the yard sales and birds chirping! I like the lighter clothing and sunshine! Dislike the mosquitos and other flying annoyances we have to deal with! I do however love the 4th of July! I am a patriotic  person by nature and really love decorating and celebrating this time of year!

Nashville has the biggest fireworks presentation every year and we used to never miss it! Now, that we are a mega city, we have opted for a smaller fireworks show at a local park than to fight the crowds! I do love it though where ever we go! I hope whatever you decide to do it will be wonderful and mostly Patriotic!

God Bless America,

Fresh tomatoes from the Amish!

I love old flags and Barns!

Jesus and Understanding

They say, the Lord doesn't give us more than we can take! First of all, who are THEY? It confuses me.  Lately, there has been a lot going on with my family! My brother, Ricky, has been very sick. He has talked with hospice as his future looks bleak. I am devastated! I still and always will believe in the power of Jesus, the Great Physician. I am sick as well and facing many challenges in my own life. My sister had a complete nervous breakdown!  And my husband is very sick.  Heart failure, kidney failure, diabetes.  Even typing all of this down it does not seem real to me.  So, what happens when everything falls apart? You can do either one or two things. 1: You can fall apart and let Satan take over or 2: You can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and make it work. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!  Life happens. People get old. You can  not survive on pity and starvation.  When I started this entry I didn't finish but left a draft. But, I am sitting here now finishing it because I feel compelled that I may help someone out there.  I am not one to throw in the proverbial  towel as I dislike that way of thinking!  One thing that always helps me is helping others  Being my husband's caregiver I am constantly bombarded with home health, Dr.'s, physical therapist, etc. coming to my home, calling and it is all the time. But, hey that's ok/ My husband needs it! And I enjoy a person to talk to!  So, talking to someone helps. I have a few very good friends I can call. And I am thankful for that.  Tonight, I am in excruciating pain. I am used to it but do not like it! At all.  What can I do? I can pray. It helps. I can put pain medication on the area that hurts. A heating pad. Endless thoughts fill my mind. The point I am making is that somehow my primitive blog has turned into a sick blog!     Haha! I know that it will work out as God intends for it to. It always does!

I am thankful that I am a believer. That I know that God will see me through anything that comes my way! That I truly am blessed. That I am a crazy 62 year old GIRL.!! That writes poetry, that loves cats, that gets down on the floor and plays with my Grandson's! I will never grow old mentally because the GIRL still lives inside me. So, search for your inner girl! And I still love Old Red Buckets and Old Books. And, you get the picture.

Many blessings.

Candi

- I Peter 1:6 - Jeremiah 17:7

 

The birds

Every year without fail, I purchase 2 Boston Ferns for our balcony! And every year without fail I see with my own eyes the same birds, building a nest. Busying herself , picking the perfect twigs for her little nest. Her mate always standing guard, singing in unison. I can not tell you how absolutely happy this makes me! Singing birds thrill my soul!

Last week dark clouds formed outside and I decided to set the ferns down until the awful storm had passed. As I watched the storm I saw the Mother bird fly up to the balcony and I could see that she was shocked that her babies had been moved. Seconds later her mate flew up and suddenly swooped downward, I imagine looking for the nest. They looked panicked. So, I went out on the balcony and lifted the ferns back onto the chains that hold them up high.  It was only minutes when the birds were back and she was on her nest!  I was so thankful because I would never do anything to disturb those sweet birds.

We can learn so much from nature if we only sit and watch. Learn and listen.

Blessings,  Candi

Decisions

 So, I went to my Rheumatologist and to my PCP last week. My Rheumatologist that I adore, looks at me with sad eyes, " You really have to get off this Prednisone. You WILL end up in a wheel chair" Your bones will start breaking!! You already have 3 fractures in your back 3!! I know Doc. He didn't give me the opportunity to say Hey Doc I am down to 8 aren't you proud??As he told me that I HAD to take it slowly or suffer the consequences. I wanted to cry. I couldn't but I felt the damn lump in my throat! So, sadly I left. Thinking I had yet again disappointed my Dr.  But, I can look at him and see the worry in his eyes. Do they know something I don't??

Doctor #2 my PCP. Early in the morning at 7:30 I am the first patient. I go back and we talk. He checks me out/ goes over my labs and says, You have a ruptured meniscus and need surgery, I will schedule an MRI!! What?? You are kidding me Doc right? No, I am afraid I am not. WOW! How many blows can I take in a week? Ok whatever you say Doc! Then he explains to me about how his friend age 52/ 10 years younger than me, died from prednisone. That every bone in her body had broken and she was just a hollowed out tree more or less!! WTH!!!!I wish he had not told me that!!!

 Doctor of Life #3 /My voice of Reason: Martha: I talked to her today. We have been best buds over 25 years. She says to me,  You CAN be healed!!   Leave your health in HIS hands and not the Dr.'s! First thing that made sense to me. God the creator, the healer of the sick will I be ok God? Will I? I had always thought because some dumb preacher told me that God causes these things to happen to make you  closer to him?? Martha, says never is sickness and pain of GOD! Those are of the devil! Boy, was I fooled? I have been fooled a lot in my lifetime. But, I know my precious Martha would never deceive me, like some preacher would.  They make you feel good by  not telling the truth always. I am scared. I don't want all my bones to start breaking. I don't want to end up in a wheelchair either. How can you not worry??  So this is my prayer:

HEAVENLY FATHER PLEASE HEAL MY BROKEN, SICK BODY. ALL OF ME. TAKE AWAY ALL OF  THIS ILLNESS THAT IS WITHIN ME. LET ME BE STRONG; GIVE ME THE GRACE TO DEAL WITH WHAT  I AM FACING! I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU PRECIOUS LORD. IN JESUS NAME. AMEN

Day 6 Hospital Stay

There isn't a day that goes by that I am not scared.  There isn't a day that I don't worry about my husband with all of his health problems and now renal failure! It is a constant battle of sorts. You get up. Make the coffee. Go about the day and you pray!  You pray for more days together.  And you wait.  It is not easy getting old. We are not even that old. Early sixties but still. I am not sure why when your in a fragile state, people want to tell you bad stories of how their husband died of something similar/  That is the last thing I want to hear at this moment.  Just let me be. Let me be quiet and talk with Jesus. Let me be at peace with myself. I will not feel sorry for us and I will not  sink into depression.  I will pray to have my husband longer and that they can fix him.  When I get to this point, I can only be quiet and allow the Holy spirit to guide me. So, for now, I will be quiet in my sadness. And if you get a chance pray for Lloyd. And me.

Candi

LLoyd's hospital stay!

After Lloyd's birthday, he just wasn't feeling well.  His legs were swollen and he was miserable. I made him an appointment with Dr. Spisak and after examining him he sent us straight to the hospital. They admitted him later that day as everything was out of whack.  I hated to leave him there but he had to get well. HAS! Because 2 days later he is still there The Dr. said he may come home tomorrow which is a blessing!  At the same time Ricky, my brother was also hospitalized across town. When things like this happen, you just have to pray extra hard, that the Lord will give you the strength to get through it! I did go and pick up the boys from school yesterday and Nick is still here but Joseph went home. I am so thankful for those rascals as they distract me from my sad thoughts that sometimes get into my head.

I hope you are all doing well and sending blessings your way! If you so incline send a prayer our way! Thank you!


Candi

What is normal anyway?

Do you ever wonder why our lives change the way they do? It's a day to day battle.  With me I woke up one morning on 1995 and couldn't stand on my own 2 legs. It was awful/ I was diagnosed with Lupus. I have mentioned this before. It's been a battle ever since. Good days. bad days. Days of extreme pain. Days of tolerable pain.  But, nothing could compare to my big strapping husband that always took care of me, to suddenly get sick. Really sick. Had to retire far too early. His life just a day at a time.  Talk about a change. The worry sets in. Regardless of what the preacher says, worrying is not trusting the Lord. I say ridiculous. Worry  about losing him. Losing my life.  Can I handle what comes my way? Will I go first?  Crazy isn't it? I turned around and I was 62! He is 64!  Oh people say we are still young. Maybe. But when your health is shirked underneath you and you need a strong shoulder.  Maybe you will be the strong shoulder! I do everything. I take care of my man just as I said that I would.  Even though I am   ill and have bad health. You do what you can to help each other. I gather my strength from God! I know that no matter what, God is always there/  I have a lot of friends my age with sick husbands. Some are sick themselves. A lot of people come to me for advice. I am nnot sure why but I am a good listener.  The point I am making is Life is so precious. Enjoy it. It is going to change it always does. Good, bad or indifferent. It is how you handle it that makes you stronger.

Are you going to sit around, wring your hands and feel sorry for yourself? Or you gonna get up and Praise the Lord for your life. For your blessings.

Make good choices. Be KIND to one another like my hero Ellen DeGeneres! So kind and loving. We should all learn from her.

Whatever changes you are going through. If you just look in the right direction I promise it will give you the peace that you need.

Much love,

Candi