The birds

Every year without fail, I purchase 2 Boston Ferns for our balcony! And every year without fail I see with my own eyes the same birds, building a nest. Busying herself , picking the perfect twigs for her little nest. Her mate always standing guard, singing in unison. I can not tell you how absolutely happy this makes me! Singing birds thrill my soul!

Last week dark clouds formed outside and I decided to set the ferns down until the awful storm had passed. As I watched the storm I saw the Mother bird fly up to the balcony and I could see that she was shocked that her babies had been moved. Seconds later her mate flew up and suddenly swooped downward, I imagine looking for the nest. They looked panicked. So, I went out on the balcony and lifted the ferns back onto the chains that hold them up high.  It was only minutes when the birds were back and she was on her nest!  I was so thankful because I would never do anything to disturb those sweet birds.

We can learn so much from nature if we only sit and watch. Learn and listen.

Blessings,  Candi

Decisions

 So, I went to my Rheumatologist and to my PCP last week. My Rheumatologist that I adore, looks at me with sad eyes, " You really have to get off this Prednisone. You WILL end up in a wheel chair" Your bones will start breaking!! You already have 3 fractures in your back 3!! I know Doc. He didn't give me the opportunity to say Hey Doc I am down to 8 aren't you proud??As he told me that I HAD to take it slowly or suffer the consequences. I wanted to cry. I couldn't but I felt the damn lump in my throat! So, sadly I left. Thinking I had yet again disappointed my Dr.  But, I can look at him and see the worry in his eyes. Do they know something I don't??

Doctor #2 my PCP. Early in the morning at 7:30 I am the first patient. I go back and we talk. He checks me out/ goes over my labs and says, You have a ruptured meniscus and need surgery, I will schedule an MRI!! What?? You are kidding me Doc right? No, I am afraid I am not. WOW! How many blows can I take in a week? Ok whatever you say Doc! Then he explains to me about how his friend age 52/ 10 years younger than me, died from prednisone. That every bone in her body had broken and she was just a hollowed out tree more or less!! WTH!!!!I wish he had not told me that!!!

 Doctor of Life #3 /My voice of Reason: Martha: I talked to her today. We have been best buds over 25 years. She says to me,  You CAN be healed!!   Leave your health in HIS hands and not the Dr.'s! First thing that made sense to me. God the creator, the healer of the sick will I be ok God? Will I? I had always thought because some dumb preacher told me that God causes these things to happen to make you  closer to him?? Martha, says never is sickness and pain of GOD! Those are of the devil! Boy, was I fooled? I have been fooled a lot in my lifetime. But, I know my precious Martha would never deceive me, like some preacher would.  They make you feel good by  not telling the truth always. I am scared. I don't want all my bones to start breaking. I don't want to end up in a wheelchair either. How can you not worry??  So this is my prayer:

HEAVENLY FATHER PLEASE HEAL MY BROKEN, SICK BODY. ALL OF ME. TAKE AWAY ALL OF  THIS ILLNESS THAT IS WITHIN ME. LET ME BE STRONG; GIVE ME THE GRACE TO DEAL WITH WHAT  I AM FACING! I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU PRECIOUS LORD. IN JESUS NAME. AMEN

Day 6 Hospital Stay

There isn't a day that goes by that I am not scared.  There isn't a day that I don't worry about my husband with all of his health problems and now renal failure! It is a constant battle of sorts. You get up. Make the coffee. Go about the day and you pray!  You pray for more days together.  And you wait.  It is not easy getting old. We are not even that old. Early sixties but still. I am not sure why when your in a fragile state, people want to tell you bad stories of how their husband died of something similar/  That is the last thing I want to hear at this moment.  Just let me be. Let me be quiet and talk with Jesus. Let me be at peace with myself. I will not feel sorry for us and I will not  sink into depression.  I will pray to have my husband longer and that they can fix him.  When I get to this point, I can only be quiet and allow the Holy spirit to guide me. So, for now, I will be quiet in my sadness. And if you get a chance pray for Lloyd. And me.

Candi

LLoyd's hospital stay!

After Lloyd's birthday, he just wasn't feeling well.  His legs were swollen and he was miserable. I made him an appointment with Dr. Spisak and after examining him he sent us straight to the hospital. They admitted him later that day as everything was out of whack.  I hated to leave him there but he had to get well. HAS! Because 2 days later he is still there The Dr. said he may come home tomorrow which is a blessing!  At the same time Ricky, my brother was also hospitalized across town. When things like this happen, you just have to pray extra hard, that the Lord will give you the strength to get through it! I did go and pick up the boys from school yesterday and Nick is still here but Joseph went home. I am so thankful for those rascals as they distract me from my sad thoughts that sometimes get into my head.

I hope you are all doing well and sending blessings your way! If you so incline send a prayer our way! Thank you!


Candi

What is normal anyway?

Do you ever wonder why our lives change the way they do? It's a day to day battle.  With me I woke up one morning on 1995 and couldn't stand on my own 2 legs. It was awful/ I was diagnosed with Lupus. I have mentioned this before. It's been a battle ever since. Good days. bad days. Days of extreme pain. Days of tolerable pain.  But, nothing could compare to my big strapping husband that always took care of me, to suddenly get sick. Really sick. Had to retire far too early. His life just a day at a time.  Talk about a change. The worry sets in. Regardless of what the preacher says, worrying is not trusting the Lord. I say ridiculous. Worry  about losing him. Losing my life.  Can I handle what comes my way? Will I go first?  Crazy isn't it? I turned around and I was 62! He is 64!  Oh people say we are still young. Maybe. But when your health is shirked underneath you and you need a strong shoulder.  Maybe you will be the strong shoulder! I do everything. I take care of my man just as I said that I would.  Even though I am   ill and have bad health. You do what you can to help each other. I gather my strength from God! I know that no matter what, God is always there/  I have a lot of friends my age with sick husbands. Some are sick themselves. A lot of people come to me for advice. I am nnot sure why but I am a good listener.  The point I am making is Life is so precious. Enjoy it. It is going to change it always does. Good, bad or indifferent. It is how you handle it that makes you stronger.

Are you going to sit around, wring your hands and feel sorry for yourself? Or you gonna get up and Praise the Lord for your life. For your blessings.

Make good choices. Be KIND to one another like my hero Ellen DeGeneres! So kind and loving. We should all learn from her.

Whatever changes you are going through. If you just look in the right direction I promise it will give you the peace that you need.

Much love,

Candi

Friday and taper down

So, today I brace myself , as I begin to taper down on the evil prednisone. I guess I really should not call it evil because it has many great benefits as well. But, I also know that I will have a battle coming off of it.   I have been on it for exactly 21 years now to treat the inflammatory SLE( Systemic Lupus Erythematosus ) that I suffer with. I won't go into all the details of my illness, but I will say everyday is both a blessing and a hardship.  Right now, with my bone health being so poor and  coming down on the Prednisone plus my Vitamin D level so low, I feel very tired

Anyway, I am on my way, so blessings to  all!

   Candi

ls of my illness

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HEALTH

 Today I visited with my favorite Dr.! My Rheumatologist Dr. Glenn Douglas. A brilliant man that is serious when it comes to taking care of yourself.  I know this because I have been going there for many years and he has seen the long road that I have taken with my Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I have been on 10 mg of prednisone for a very long time.  Now, my sweet Dr. says I have to taper off because it is so bad for you.  At the moment I have 3 fractured bones in my back. No doubt that the evil prednisone has taken it's toll on my aging body!  I started taking it back in 1995 when I was diagnosed with SLE as my sed rate was at 98 and I could not function.  When Dr. John, put me on it I immediately felt better. I had energy I felt good. But, I looked like a pumpkin as my face was so round! It was awful. Not just round  but moon faced.  It changed my personality. It has terrible side effects even though it made me better. Life is strange. I always knew that my life would not be easy, I don't know why but I did. 

I have to say that despite the odds  I will give this a try and see that hopefully I can see some improvements.  I am not one to give up and I am a fighter!  So check back and I will update my progress!

Thank you Jesus.